Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny

Bluebird #31!

2011-12-31T17:15:00.000-08:00

Well I did it. I made 31 bluebirds, I placed them around town and I wrote about it everyday this month. It feels good to complete something even though I am melancholy that it is done.

Has this project made a difference? I believe that if this project kept me pointed in a positive direction then the people who followed and read the blog did too. Otherwise I don’t think they would have followed it.

It was said to me this month that hope was like the waves in the ocean… the waves that hit the shore gain momentum by many waves joining together: like energies attracting like. And I understood. The more we feel hopeful and positive, the people around us feel hopeful and positive.

Today I decided to take #31 back to where it started- to Surfers Point. Walking along the bike path I passed the labyrinth where I placed Bluebird #1. Thoughts of walking the circular path came back to me and the anticipation of the project. I kept going following my intuition. I thought of the huge cement circular wall past the river mouth. As I came to where Ventura River flows into the ocean there was a little bridge to cross the stream. It was built out of rocks and tree branches. There were a couple of tall sticks beside the bridge with shells decorating them. Bluebird #31 landed a top one of the sticks.

It seemed like a good idea to bring the project full circle. It also occurred to me that the stream of water was like the hope that we gathered and carried through this month. And the stream meeting the huge ocean was the Hope gathering momentum.

Happy New Year! Let 2012 be filled with hope, happiness and prosperity!

Bluebird #30

2011-12-30T22:57:00.000-08:00

This is the 30th day of my Bluebird Project. I have one more bluebird to place tomorrow, New Years Eve. This has been an interesting journey. I am sad to see it coming to an end.

Today was the last day of pet sitting Sonny the Dog. I was sad that it was coming to an end. Funny though, half the time I spent sitting outside at 7am with the temperature at about 35 degrees just sitting quietly getting the dog to trust me. My time allotment was 40 minutes but I usually stayed an hour.

Today Sonny’s playmate, Cher came home and when I stopped by for my final visit the two were together in the kennel. They both came galloping out of the gate and ran around the yard. That was the happiest I have seen Sonny all week. I gave them lots of treats… I gave Sonny a couple more than Cher because he is my favorite. I was a little misty as I drove away. This was a last minute booking so I’m not sure I’ll see Sonny again but I hope so.

In honor of Sonny being a rescue dog, I took Bluebird #30 to the Humane Society of Ventura County in Ojai.

Bluebird #29

2011-12-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

For two years I have watched the transformation of this rundown property on Thompson Blvd. It was City Center Motel. Now it is transitional living for homeless people.

The project was taken on by several churches of different faiths (I say different faiths even though they are all Christian based… ). They cleaned, painted and remodeled. I love the idea that these many churches pooled their resources and were able to coordinate with each other and get this facility up and running: people coming together for a common cause- to help someone else in dire need.

When I drove by today they replaced the chain link fence with a brand new stucco wall with wrought iron. That is what caught my eye. Then I saw the children playing inside the yard. I also noticed that they put in a jungle-gym in the back too. The whole place looks so much better than it did. I could feel the radiant hope.

Bluebird #29 landed on the new stucco wall outside of The Kingdom Center.

See their website:
http://www.thekingdomcenterventura.com/

Bluebird #28

2011-12-29T16:34:00.000-08:00

There is a building on the corner of Laurel & Main Street in Ventura that use to be a church. Now it is a theater, a small theater but a very good theater. It is called The Rubicon. Karyl Lynn Burns and James O’Neil founded the theater company in 1998 and brought the company into this building on Laurel & Main in 1999.

The first play I saw there was “Night of the Iguana”. I think it was 2004. I was blown away by the level of professionalism of the production. The story, the acting and the set design in such a small space is what amazed me. Since then I have seen several productions and never was I disappointed.

Now I have the privilege of working for the Rubicon as a costumer. Now I get to see the whole thing built from scratch and performed for weeks at a time. I see the heart that goes in to every single performance from backstage. I get to hear the audience respond before, during and after the performance. I see the hope come alive in our community through the magic of the theater. And for this I am very grateful.

Bluebird #27 landed on the front stoop of the Rubicon right next to a spider weaving its daily web.

http://rubicontheatre.org/

Bluebird #27

2011-12-27T22:32:00.001-08:00

One of my grandmothers was a fantastic knitter. She made sweaters, baby bonnets, booties and other items. She did a lot of hand work. I have taken up the tradition. I have been knitting for about a year now having taught myself out of a book. So I have been knitting at home or backstage in between quick changes & costume changes. Mostly I was making wash cloths. I was knitting squares… lots of squares.

I got to the point where I really wanted to be part of a knitting circle so I could expand my horizons beyond squares and meet new people. I mentioned in an earlier blog that in August I joined a group on meetup.com. It is a group of people who knit and crochet.

We meet every Tuesday evening at a Starbucks in Ventura. They are women from all walks of life. We sit and compare knitting projects and share patterns and techniques. There are beginners to advanced knitters. It has been fun getting to know these women.

Lately most of us have been working on gifts for family and friends. But a few of the ladies also knit items for charities and they get the group to participate on group projects. One of the projects was the Mother bear Project (http://www.motherbearproject.org/ ) a charity dedicated to providing hope to children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa by giving them hand-knit bears. There have also been local charities they have donated knitted items. Tonight the host of the group was knitting an afghan to be given to some one on skid row.

This is another reason I joined the group- knitting for charities. Knitting is a way I can contribute to the world beyond my family and friends. This group of knitters gives me a lot of hope and these ladies have a lot of heart.

Right outside the window Bluebird #27 landed & watched happily while we sat and knitted our yarn into pieces of hope.

Bluebird #26

2011-12-26T10:58:00.000-08:00

I have noticed a new store front on Ventura Avenue... AA Grupo 12 y 12, right next to the bakery where I buy my Dia de los Muertos dead bread. I have even seen people gathered outside the door and at night I can see people sitting in chairs. My heart sang when I saw the sign in the window. Hope in my neighborhood!!

Pajaro de Azul numero vente seis!!

Update: Sonny the Dog

2011-12-26T10:55:00.000-08:00

Follow up to Sonny the Dog… visit #6: When I arrived this morning Sonny barked & wagged his tail and appeared happy to see me. Over the past couple of visits (twice a day) gradually Sonny has come closer to me but not close enough to pet or hand him a treat.

But this morning he came up to me several times and ate the treats out of my hand. He even followed me in to the house. No petting yet but I am so happy.

Bluebird #25

2011-12-26T10:52:00.000-08:00

There are many aspects of the state of our nation that bother me but one that worries me is the huge losses in the stock market. I don’t gamble and I haven’t been to Vegas since 1984 so I don’t really like the stock market because of the similar risks. But here we are with our whole financial well being wrapped up with those lunatics on Wall Street.

The part that makes me sad is that so many people lost big chunks of their retirement funds. They had planned ahead, did it the way it was suggested for success and BAM- the bottom drops. I had a 401k too and watched that thing shrink. I suppose this is a sad example of “there are no guarantees”. So now what? I’m not sure.

First thing that comes to mind is that we need to take care of each other. I suppose that pride needs to be set aside. Possibly asking for help when it’s needed and giving it in return. I’m thinking bartering with each other. The universe is abundant when we don’t hoard things or get greedy but share instead.

Most of the people I know have friends and family around them to help them out. There are a lot of people that don’t. What about them? I’m not talking about saving the world or maybe I am, just a baby step at a time. Just a little effort goes along way.

What can you do in your community to help others thrive? Donate food to the local food bank? Help distribute food? You might already do some volunteer work… yay for you!! Keep it up!

Bluebird #25 landed at the Senior Center in Ventura… spreading a vision of hope to the people who need a bit more for their retirement.

Bluebird #24

2011-12-26T10:51:00.001-08:00

I drive up and down Ventura Ave several times a day. It is my neighborhood. There are several bus stops along this street and they are frequently occupied with people waiting for the bus.

This particular bus stop on the corner of Prospect & Ventura is often occupied by two men with market baskets filled with their belongings. Usually it’s in the afternoon that I see them. They seem to be engrossed in conversation… I think with each other. It must be warm there at that time of day because it faces west.

Bluebird #24 landed on the corner of Prospect & Ventura Ave at this bus stop.

Bluebird #23

2011-12-26T10:48:00.001-08:00

For the in between times I took a job as a professional pet sitter with a local agency. It is a happy job. It is rewarding on many levels. I get exercise, the dogs get exercise, the cats get massages, every one gets love… It’s a win-win… win situation!!

My new doggy client is named Sonny. He’s a white malamute and is a beauty. His owner took him in a few years ago after he was rescued. I met him briefly before his owner left town and he was very timid… distrustful is a better word. He did take a treat from my hand and sniffed me a little but otherwise kept away

The first visit was at the end of the day. Sonny was so distrustful that he wouldn’t come within 10 feet of me. He stayed in his dog run, didn’t sit and growled quietly. He was very apprehensive and it makes me sad to see him unhappy. So I just sat quietly in the yard hoping he would get used to me.

There is a sweet little birdhouse in the yard where Sonny lives and Bluebird #23 landed there.

Bluebird #22

2011-12-26T10:40:00.001-08:00

One of my friends mentioned earlier this month is still in the hospital. He had a bicycle accident and got pretty banged up. It will take awhile for him to recover. It is hard to stay hopeful when you are lying in a hospital bed...

So bluebird #22 landed at the County Hospital in Ventura. Sending you well wishes friend!

Bluebird #19, 20, & 21

2011-12-23T23:22:00.000-08:00

There are some of us walking this planet that have to create. We have to draw, paint, sculpt, sing, dance, make music, write. It is in our DNA. It’s something we must do or our spirits shrivel. I have also read in different spiritual books that self expression is an essential part of living and without it we will not find true happiness and wholeness.

I think this creative spark is in all of us but some ignore it or push it down or neglect it. Maybe they believe the judgments set upon them by others. They think that they can’t do any of it well and judge themselves. They don’t value it because they can’t make a living from it. Whatever the reason… they don’t believe in their creative self.

But the bluebird is here to tell you “Don’t give up on that creative spark!” It is part of your wholeness. Sing often and sing loud!! Get out those paints! Pastels! The camera! The guitar! The sewing machine! Turn up the music and dance with abandon! Who cares if anyone is looking! Maybe they’ll join you.

These 4 bluebirds flew out to places where creative self expression is nurtured and valued. Vita Art Center is located in Bell Arts Factory (a building that houses a group of art studios) on Ventura Ave & Harrison. The art center employs many local artists to teach their disciplines to anyone who wants to learn. Students of all ages come through here and there are art exhibits and performances coordinated with some of the classes.

Stoneworks is just down the street on the corner of Park Row & Ventura Ave. Two of my friends live and work here. They dedicate their live to bringing the arts into our community. They teach stone carving to anyone who is interested as well as being working artists. They also promote local artists through events like First Fridays, exhibits and art fairs.

Art City is just off Ventura Ave on Dubbers. This property is tucked up against Hwy 33 and is a place that has been around a long time. This is a magical place that I recommend exploring any time you get the chance. Art City is made up of a group of some old time stone carvers. There are gigantic pieces of stones of all kinds around the property which is an outdoor studio. You could see pieces started and half done. There are also many finished pieces to see. These people are dedicated to their creative spirits.

These are places where hope lives… where hope is created and multiples. This is where you can expect something good to happen.

Bluebird #18

2011-12-23T23:20:00.000-08:00

This little bluebird didn’t make it threw the process. It broke before it could get fired in the kiln. This happens with ceramics. It’s a process that puts a lot of stress on the artwork… drying the clay without cracks, moving it into the kiln without breaking, firing up to 1600 – 1800 degrees for the bisque firing and a second firing that can be as high as 2200 degrees for the glaze…

It’s a metaphor for how life can be… We take it for granted that things won’t break when sometimes things do break and sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want it to… but in the end everything turns out just right… whether we like it or not.

Bluebird #18 may he rest in peace.

Bluebird #17

2011-12-19T08:35:00.000-08:00

There are places around town where people gather for one reason or another. They come together for a fellowship of hope. A lot of times the places are churches or temples and sometimes the people that meet there are not of that particular faith. This is not a religious posting today (and it would be wise not to expect one from me even though it is December, just sayin’).

Every Saturday I go to this place to meet my friends for an hour. I know of several 12 step meetings held at this location. This place has a banquet hall that is used often by their own parish. There is a school on the premises. I also know that this place has emergency funds for people in need and they are one of Food Shares Pantry Partners too. There is a lot of hope being generated in this location… and shared.

Bluebird #17 Landed at the Presbyterian Church on the corner where Poli & Lincoln meet.

Bluebird #16

2011-12-19T08:27:00.000-08:00

Where is Bluebird #16? Where did 16 go? He was here in the flock... what? He flew the coop?! He went out on his own to find a place of hope himself?!! Well, there you go!

Bluebird 16 flew the coop... destination unknown!

Bluebird #15

2011-12-16T22:59:00.000-08:00

Food, the topic is food, feeding people who can’t afford food… I just spent the last hour looking at statistics of poverty and housing expenses in Ventura County. It is a wonder that any of us can keep a roof over our heads with the housing cost… looking at the numbers I wondered how I do it.

Most of us can afford to buy food. We get to go to the grocery store and pick the food we like & want to eat. Others don’t have that luxury. There are places in town who feed people who are in need of a meal.

I just went to the Food Share website http://www.foodshare.com/ and found a plethora of information. Catholic Charities is listed as a Pantry Partner which provides free fresh food to people who can’t afford to buy their own. Catholic Charities also provide meals daily to people who find themselves homeless. There is a ton of information on the Food Share website including lists of shelters & other services. If you know of anyone in need of assistance, this website is a great resource.

Catholic Charities is located on the corner of Ventura Avenue & Park Row. And this is where Bluebird # 15 landed today.

Bluebird #14

2011-12-16T22:57:00.000-08:00

There is a building on Fir Street that I go to several times a week at noon to meet with some friends. It is a place where we talk about our experience, strength and hope on a daily basis. We share our successes and our defeats. Some of us live on the hill and some of us barely have a sleeping bag. There is always coffee. In this building I find hope.

Bluebird #14 landed on the brick wall just outside the door today as I was walking in.

December 15

2011-12-15T23:56:00.000-08:00

Where does hope live?

The Bluebirds of Hope have been quiet for a couple of days. This project has been a true exercise for me. I know I have said it in previous postings but the more days that pass the more interesting it gets. And when I say interesting I mean hard. Pulling the hope from within to share with you is easy some days and not so much on others. Sure I could write something everyday that sounded like a Hallmark card but that is not the point. I am doing this because it isn’t easy pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps everyday. Some days we just don’t feel like it. And if it goes to long then we get apathetic and the world becomes a bleak place.

Part of the reason I decided to do this project is that I have the time. I don’t have any work this month when I need to work this month. The idea of sharing hope with the world when I needed some myself seemed like a good exercise in faith. I still believe in the concept. But I have to walk the walk if I am going to talk the talk.

This week I hit a wall and what I realized was that with this project being daily I am counting the days and by counting the days I am focusing more and more that I don’t have work. And then the fear starts rolling in like high tide.

Now I am not complaining, I am explaining where I stand… because I don’t think I am standing alone here. And so I had to take a step back and breathe. Breathe out the fear and breathe in the faith. Already a solution has arrived and I can focus on the issues at hand: bluebirds.

Hope is wishing that something good will happen. Faith is knowing that it will. And Trust is total confidence that it will all be taken care of.

So stay tuned there could be a Bluebird landing somewhere near you…

Bluebird #13

2011-12-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

Bluebird #13… Two birds in one day… yeee-ow!

After the doldrums of yesterday and figuring out where #12 was to go on the 13th, I was still in a quandary as to where to put #13!! Procrastination or constipation don’t work for this project at all. The days keep coming, day after day. Figuring out where hope lives is a full time job.

Libraries have been a place of inspiration for me. Curiosity is something that keeps me going. I hope that I am curious to the day I die. When I lived in Pasadena I would go to the main branch on Walnut. I would get lost in the books for hours. I caught up reading literature that I was supposed to have read in High School English… let’s just say I missed a couple of classes and Cliff Notes aren’t the same. I looked at art books with beautiful prints of paintings and sculpture. This curiosity got me back to college when it meant something to me.

Today when I went to both the Avenue Library and the E.P. Library I was happy to see both places in use by many: little ones with their grandmother, elementary students with tutors and teenagers doing homework. At the Avenue Library there were a couple of older women at the back table reading the newspaper, some fellas on the computers and a group of 4th or 5th graders with a tutor in the children’s section. There was even a young man just outside the door playing his guitar. And of course the two friendly ladies at the front desk who I love to chat with about books.

Well it seemed fitting that #13 be placed at my neighborhood library because there still is a library in my neighborhood. It is well used and well stocked for such a small place. Bluebird #13 landed in the Avenue Library right next to “Louise: The Adventures of a Chicken”.

Bluebird #12... thank you

2011-12-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

Bluebird #12... Has landed! While proofing my December 12 entry I got an inkling of where #12 should land. The place was closed and rather than suffering a breaking & entering charge I waited until today.

I don’t know why Thing One & Thing Two came in to my head last night except that the activity in my mind yesterday was very similar to the “fun that is funny!” carrying on in Sally & her brother’s house… with the Cat in the Hat as the Ring Master. But while checking my facts on line I found some interesting information on Wikipedia, one of my favorite websites I became inspired…

In 1954 there was an article in LIFE magazine about the reading levels of American children. Apparently their reading levels were very low and the author, John Hershey listed many reasons why, but one in particular I enjoyed being a rebel from way back:

“…In the classroom boys and girls are confronted with six books that have insipid illustrations depicting the slicked-up lives of other children. Feature abnormally courteous, unnaturally clean boys and girls. . . .”

Then at the end of the article there was a shout out to the imaginative illustrators of the day to create a primer textbook for elementary students, Theodor Geisel being one of the illustrators.
Long story short Dr. Suess wrote Cat in the Hat to help children enjoy learning to read. It was the first in a series of Beginner Readers he wrote and illustrated. I am so happy that he was inspired to do so because these are the books that I learned to read.

Soooo, Bluebird #12 has landed in the Children’s Library at E.P. Foster Library on Main Street Ventura, next to Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs & Ham.

#12 please...

2011-12-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

Today I got stuck in the doldrums.

Being a cold wet day with nothing to do…The Cat in the Hat showed up and had a Pity Party in my head and the mayhem ensued …. Thing One & Thing Two jumped out of the box and ran about the place, trying on my socks! …or was it flying kites. Whatever. I got tired of looking for the butterfly net and took a nap. Get out the book if you need a visual.

Bluebird #12 is in a holding pattern. He is waiting for a location.

Tomorrow’s another day… God help me if Sam I Am shows up with green eggs & ham… being a vegetarian that might cause a problem.

Bluebird #11

2011-12-11T22:36:00.001-08:00

When I am working in Santa Barbara especially in the summertime I like to take the Seacliff exit on my way home. It’s just past Mussel Shoals & La Conchita. This road is actually part of Highway 1: Pacific Coast Highway. It travels right along the ocean’s edge. The road takes you through Faria & Solimar Beach and ends at Emma Wood State Beach. I call it the road less traveled because everyone is speeding down the freeway in traffic... and I'm not.

I love it. I roll all the windows down so I get the fresh sea air. If I am really not in a hurry to get home I will park next to the sea wall and watch the waves. Many times I see dolphins playing just off shore along here. I actually saw two jump straight out of the water like a Sea World trick! I see the pelicans fly high in formation or really low to the water, just grazing the waves.

Actually it doesn’t have to be summertime for me to take this path. I like going here in the winter too. It is just a really nice place to hangout and watch the ocean. Be quiet. Journal or meditate. This little stretch of road gives me a lot of pleasure whether I’m moving through or sitting still.

Bluebird #11 landed here this afternoon on my way to visit my aunt & uncle in Montecito. It is perched on a rock just north of Emma Wood with a great view of the islands.

Bluebird #10

2011-12-10T17:21:00.000-08:00

In August I joined a knitting group on http://www.meetup.com/ . I had taught myself to knit from a book earlier this year and joined the group so I could learn more in a social setting. It has been a lot of fun. One week I noticed on the group’s website that there had been a field trip to an alpaca ranch in Somis. So I mentioned it at the next meeting. Not everyone went but I was told that the ranch had open house every month. So the research started.

I found the website for the ranch http://www.alpacalink.com/ . Initially my interest was in just the fleece and learning to spin. Then I noticed that there was a page about investing in alpacas… what? So then I started researching further. My curiosity was peaked and now I really had to go see the alpacas.

This morning I woke up with a smile on my face because I was going to Windy Hill Ranch to see the alpacas!!! Paca-paca-paca!!! Every second Saturday Windy Hill Ranch has an open house… eeerr… open ranch from 10am – 3pm. It is located out in Somis – about 35 minutes from Ventura.

It was a treat to get off of the beaten path to find this peaceful little ranch. They have about 300 alpacas living there. They own some but also board many of the animals. There is also a classroom there where all sorts of classes are held. Today there was a knitting group that meets monthly.

The little critters were so cute. Alpacas are shy but curious and approach with caution. They do let you pet them and if you are quick you can grab one to hold (with the help of the owner). It was fun. Alpacas make a cute little humming sound and are pretty mellow. They are low impact on the environment; relatively inexpensive to board; their fleece is warmer & softer than sheep’s fleece. I still have information to gather about investment and I am still looking for spinning classes but I think I’m going back in January to see the alpacas again!

Bluebird #10 has landed next to the alpaca statue at the Windy Hill Ranch of Somis where hope & happiness abound. (it's outside of Ventura but in the county!)

Bluebird #9

2011-12-09T21:37:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about trees today and how much I enjoy having them around me. I love listening and watching the birds in the trees in my backyard. Of course they provide us with oxygen and help balance our carbon foot print but there is more to trees that I love.

For some reason trees give me a sense of security. They provide shade from the sun and cover from the rain. They are like our ancestors, like the Ents in Lord of the Rings. So I was trying to think of a representative of our local Ents and I thought of the huge Moreton Bay fig tree on the corner of Chestnut & Santa Clara. This tree was planted in 1874. I think it qualifies as an ancestor. The Great Moreton Bay Fig feels like a protector.

This park is a lovely public space with playground and bandstand… and like many of our public parks there are also quite a few homeless people. Where else can you go if you are without your own home? I hope the Great Moreton brings a feeling of hope and protection to the people of the park.

I want to say more here and I just don't know what to say. I want to say I'm sorry that those people have to live on the street. I'm not saying I'm sorry because it's my fault... it just makes me sad to see them suffer. And I wish them a vision of hope... that they see a way to solution.

Bluebird #9 has landed in the folding roots of our historic Moreton Bay Fig tree in Plaza Park as a little token of hope for the people of the park.

Bluebird #8

2011-12-09T12:42:00.000-08:00

Bluebird #8… posted a day late but landed on time…

After spending the morning with a friend I drove past Lincoln School on my way to my clay studio. The children were at recess and the playground was bursting with energy. There were screams & yelps, laughing & talking, balls bouncing, jumping & running. I remember those days of fun filled recess! It was exhilarating to get out of the classroom for awhile and run wild with my friends.

Two of my favorite recess activities were playing on the swings & the horizontal bar. On the swings, I used to swing as high as it would take me and then flip off backwards and land on my feet. It was like flying. I loved it.

On the horizontal bars I would sit atop the bar and then swing backwards with the bar behind my knees with enough momentum to come back to the top of the bar. And for the finale dismount, I would flip off and land on my feet. I did this until Lisa Wormhouse broke her arm and it didn’t seem like such a good idea any more. But I kept flipping off the swings! No one broke anything over there.

Playful memories… Playing in our adulthood gets hard. We start racking up the responsibilities and we don’t have time. Well I’m here to saw, there is always time to play! And sometimes we need to take risks. Lifting your spirit in play & laughter is just as important as meeting our responsibilities. Think about what you use to do as a youngling that would bring you hope & joy… And do it! Go on! It will be fun! Some of us need to learn to skip again. I’m thinking about finding a swing. Don’t worry, I’m not going to flip off of it… but I will see how high it will take me!

So Bluebird #8 landed at Lincoln School, Ventura where the children reminded me that adults need to play too.

Bluebird #7

2011-12-07T22:20:00.000-08:00

In October a friend of mine gave up the good fight against a 17 year addiction to drugs and alcohol. He got sick and tired of being sick and tired and took his life. It was a shock. It was tragic. It was very very sad. It rocked my world and shook up my belief system and caused me to reexamine it.

In a weird way his passing has given me hope and a new perspective on what I believe. It has strengthened my belief in a forgiving God and the idea of a Divine Plan. My compassion has grown for people who struggle to get clean & sober. My friend showed me how my life touches the lives of people around me because I saw how he had touched people’s lives at his memorial service.

His mother is a very dear friend of mine. She needs a daily dose of hope. So Bluebird #7 will ride in her car next to her picture of the Dalai Lama.

Bluebird #6

2011-12-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Today was a bit challenging for me. There was a list of items on my To-Do List looming in my head that needed to be addressed. The kind of things you wish would go away… your bill was late now there’s an extra fee… insufficient funds notices to clear up… so sorry you didn’t get the job we hired someone else… Yay! Life is in session!

Where’s the hope!? Where did I put that darn hope? I could have sworn I put it right next to my keys… is it in my purse? Maybe I left it in the car. Oh! There it is hiding under a bushel of fear!

That fear can sneak in quick without you even knowing it. It’s outside in the driveway doing push-ups just waiting to wrestle me to the ground. Some people say fear stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real. I think that is true. I get myself all wound up over things that are not as big as I think they are or are not even happening.

The late bill… was their mistake. I paid it on time. The insufficient funds were because I linked the on-line Bill Pay to the wrong account. They refunded one of the two fees. The job - I didn’t get it but the right one will come along. And right now right now everything is okay. December rent paid. My health is good. There’s food in the fridge. I’m going to meet up with my knitting club tonight with one of my sunshiney friends and Noodle is curled up on the ottoman next to me! Yay! Life is in session!

There is another saying: You can’t give away something that you haven’t got. So I decided to put Bluebird #6 on top of my roof to remind me that Hope lives here with me all the time.

Bluebird #5

2011-12-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

This is quite a challenge I set for myself… everyday write about hope. Mmmm so today… hope. Okay I’m going to talk about music.

I think most people will agree that music is inspirational and can bring hope to our day. Most of the time we are listening to recorded music on the radio, iPod, CD, whatever but it’s not live. That works but being in the presence of live music is a whole different realm of experience.

If you haven’t been to a live performance lately I suggest you go to one sooner than later. What ever the type of music you enjoy: jazz, folk, blues, opera – just go hear it live. Even better, if you play an instrument or sing – take the time & do that. I believe that there is something in the vibration of live music and live singing that lifts the spirit. Really more precisely I believe it to be the channeling of the Divine Spirit and it elevates us.

I have the privilege of working with singers and musicians of different types in my line of work. This is one of the blessings of my job- I get to hear live music a lot. It brings so much hope & inspiration to me. I even love opera. You have to hear it live to truly appreciate it, honest.

My first opera was Faust which I worked on the costumes. Being involved in the whole process: rehearsals, designer run-throughs, dress rehearsals and standing backstage watching the performances were an amazing experience. It gave me a comprehensive understanding of the discipline.

In the finale of Faust, the chorus sang off stage like a choir of angels. I was standing near them and the vibration of their voices was unbelievable. I almost levitated… or cried I was so moved.

Another stand out moment for me was working at the Santa Barbara Bowl on a Labor Day a few years ago. I got called in to do wardrobe for Earth Wind & Fire. Okay one of my ALL time favorite bands: Earth Wind & Fire. I couldn’t believe it. Basically once I was done ironing clothes which I finished them in 45 minutes, I got to sit backstage and watch the entire show.

I sang all the songs. I danced. It was so much fun I could barely stand it. At the end of their set the crowd jumped up and applauded. Standing Ovation. The energy from the audience was so intense that it was intoxicating. Live music, I’m telling you, nuttin’ like it.

Now to smaller music, folk music, acoustic music… but no less inspirational and moving! Earlier this year I had the opportunity to work with a group of young musicians on a project at the Rubicon Theater called ”Lonesome Traveler”. They sang music composed by old time folkies. Those old timeless tunes were wonderful. But it gets better, several of the musicians write & perform their own music. The Rubicon had a couple of nights at Zoey’s where they got to sing some of their own music.

Tonight two of these talented musicians will be playing at Zoey’s again, one of the best places for live music in Ventura. B. Willing & Justine Bennett will be playing together.
So today Bluebird #5 has landed at Zoey’s where live music inspires and B. Willing & Justine will lift our hearts and our spirits with their beautiful voices.

(And if you can't make it tonight, play your favorite tunes and sing! )

Bluebird #4

2011-12-04T20:06:00.000-08:00

Every morning I wake with Noodle, my cat curled up next to me. She has been with me for 11 years now. She was my transition cat. Some of you have known me long enough to know I had a previous cat, Livingston aka Stoney, aka Piggly-Wiggly, aka Wiggy aka The Mighty Wig. He was a marmalade tabby with green eyes and lived for 20 years.

When he was about 17-18 years old I started to worry about when he would pass on and leave me. He would be sleeping, a lot as older cats do, and I would think he wasn’t breathing so I would poke him to see if he was dead. He wasn’t and would roll over and go back to sleep. A friend gave Noodle to me when she was a wee little tike. Her name at the time was Sooty… her name has morphed to Noodle (another story).

Back to Wig- Well Wig lived another 2 years. He became playful again and they would groom each other & sleep together on the chair or bed. It was really wonderful to watch. Finally it was Wiggy’s time and he passed on.

So Ms. Noodle has been my solo feline companion for 9 years. She is a very good friend. She sticks by me through thick & thin. She follows me around the house. Sits close by while I work- which she is doing right now. Even when I let her out in the morning to sniff around she only goes out for a short time and she’s right back checking up on me. Some would call this co-dependent. I call it true blue.

Noodle gives me a lot of hope. She keeps me going and helps me adjust my attitude. And so did Wig. I have been blessed with 2 very good kitties.

So today Bluebird #4 landed in front of Cats Cradle Rescue on 4160 Market Street in tribute to our well loved pets. I wanted to bring some hope to these little animals that need homes. Animals have a very important role in our world. They contribute love, hope & joy to our planet.

Cats Cradle is an all volunteer non-profit organization that rescues unwanted & abandoned cats. They have a thrift store on site to help support their cause. I stepped inside to see the cats. It was fun playing with the little kittens. I could tell that all the cats were well taken care of & loved by the staff. http://www.catscradlerescue.org/

Bluebird #3

2011-12-03T19:41:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning I wasn’t feeling hopeful. I knew the day would come that I wouldn’t be feelin’ it and I would have to work through it. Thankfully I had a full day so I couldn’t pull the covers over my head.

My regular work has gone dormant during the month of December. All the theater companies I work for aren’t doing anything this month. So I have been looking… and looking. I knew December was going to be like this so I have been doing my due diligence for awhile. For the last couple of weeks I spread my search a bit wider and haven’t found anything yet. Thus the reason my hope was waning today.

It’s okay. I know it will be okay. Everything always seems to work out for the best. I have been here before. I do have a little income coming in from pet-sitting and odd jobs. This doesn’t mean I sit on my doorstep and wait to win the lottery (I think you have to buy a ticket to win... just sayin'). I have to get into action. Not to be confused with making things happen or forcing things to happen.

Getting into action means I actively look around and pay attention to the landscape around me and follow my intuition. Do the next indicated action. It gets the Universe lubed. It lets the Universe know I am ready. I am ready for the endless possibilities that could come my way.

So I have been of service to others around me. (That is keeping me busy I’ll tell you!) And this guerrilla project has been keeping me busy too. Where will I put the next bluebird? I let intuition guide me.

Today I placed Bluebird #3 in the community garden on the corner of Chestnut & Poli Street. This corner has been an empty lot since I moved to Ventura 7 years ago until recently. I drive past this corner several times a day and I have watched the once empty corner get tilled, raised beds built, fertilized & planted. Now there is a beautiful vegetable garden. (The funny thing is that the cement peace sign was just laying there in the garden. It made the perfect pedestal for the bluebird.)

It’s exactly what we do with our lives. They can be beautiful gardens of friends, family & activity if we plant the seeds and take care of the plants. My job search is not for nothing. For every action I take: email, conversation, person I help, bluebird I place, moves me forward. This project is helping me as much as it is helping others.

Now it’s coming to the end of the day and I have hope again. The possibilities are endless.

Bluebird #2

2011-12-02T21:34:00.000-08:00

Day Two in the guerrilla art world. Deciding where to put these little birdies is an interesting process. More interesting is what to say about it.

Where does Hope live today? It’s hard to be hopeful day in day out, things are happening all the time. Doing this project is helping me stay in hope. It’s helping me to see the positive in people, places & things. It is getting me to sustain a hopeful outlook.

I am grateful I have good health and don’t have to deal with chronic pain or some ailment. There are people in my live who do have to deal with such things. Most of the time they have a good attitude and I forget that they are dealing with physical issues. Other times the discomfort wears on them and I wonder what the hell?! Then I remember how hard it must be to keep motivated & positive.

I know three people in the hospital right now for different reasons but they are laid up none the less. So today I placed Bluebird #2 outside the Emergency Room at Community Memorial Hospital. Seeing a bluebird just before entering the hospital could give a feeling of hope to someone in crisis.

Bluebird of Hope

2011-12-01T22:11:00.000-08:00

For the month of December, I have started a guerrilla art project called Bluebirds of Hope. Each day I will place a ceramic Bluebird of Hope somewhere in our town of Ventura, photograph it and then document here. The first one is already out there waiting to be found. I have made each bird so they are all unique & signed. HOPE is embossed down their backs and the date is carved on the perch.

If you find one you can have it or you can leave it for others to enjoy. You can add your own token of hope to sit with the bluebird because hope is contagious. I also invite you to comment on my Facebook page if you have a Bluebird sighting.

So why am I doing this…

Here we are December 2011. There is high unemployment. The stock market has tanked a couple of times to the point where people lost big chunks of their retirement. Foreclosures on homes are frightful with people getting pushed out of their homes. The banks taking bailout money, the US congress misbehaving in an even bigger way. Our financial mismanagement is having rippling effects across the world. Some would say we are going to hell in a hand-basket. AND it’s Christmas time. I have a lot of time on my hands without any theater jobs this month and I want to be part of the solution.

Despite all of this negativity swirling around I have seen a glimmer of light. I have heard several times in different news reports that people who think outside of the box, entrepreneurs & the like are the ones succeeding right now. This is the time when great ideas can be sparked because of necessity. Well that gave me a little bit of hope. And with a little bit of hope, people can be inspired & things can happen.

I was discussing the idea of doing a Guerrilla Art project with another artist. I wanted to put my artwork out into the community as an inspiration. No strings attached: just a gift to the world. I wanted it to be positive, temporary and I wanted it to be a thing that someone could take home if they wanted it.

The idea that art has an important place in our society and can lift the collective consciousness was my goal. I believe now is the time for some uplifting. Finally I thought of something that clicked: Bluebirds of Happiness.

Based on the myth of the Bluebirds of Happiness I decided to use this icon as the image for this series of work. Indigenous peoples around the world for thousands of years recognize the bluebird as a symbol of happiness, hope, prosperity, good luck. This symbol seemed like the perfect mascot to our current affairs in this country but also for the planet.

So today I placed my first Bluebird. I went down to Surfers Point to find a place. There has been a lot of work done along the bike path. I was very impressed with the improvements. As I was walking along I saw a rock sculpture area, you know how people stack rocks into a tower. I always like those. Next to the towers of river rocks was a labyrinth. A labyrinth is a circular path that you can walk to the center and back as a form of meditation. So I walked it and left my first Bluebird at the center rock. It seemed like the perfect place for him.

Tomorrow is another day, for another bluebird and another blog.

Bend with the wind

2010-10-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

The seasons have changed from Spring to Summer and now we are in Fall since my last blog entry. Either I was too busy or not busy enough to write.

2010 has been an interesting year... most interesting. Mostly challenging. Like most people- especially in California where unemployment is over 12%, I have been scrambling to make ends meet. The good news is that I have managed to keep my life a float with a lot of hustle and faith.

In order not to loose my mind I have to walk in faith. I have to hold close the fact that the Universal Spirit is conspiring for me and that there is always enough. Things look a little different then they did before. Things are changing and we have to break old patterns- bend with the wind.

There have been times this year when I didn't have work lined up and paying next month's rent was a complete mystery to me. But what I have learned through other tough times in my life is that I am in the "Action Dept" and God is in the "Results Dept".

(When I mention God I mean a Universal Spirit- a power not attached to any religious sect... I say this because I know so many people run when they hear God or Jesus... I know I get a little nervous.)

So when I show up each day and do what is in front of me and be of service to others when ever possible and be thankful for what I do have- I am working in the Action Dept. This means I have to reside in the moment. Stay in today. Keeping fear out... can I do anything about it right now? yes- then take those steps. no- then let it go.

It's all a work in progress... and I am grateful for what I have today.

Glimmer

2010-02-20T00:09:00.000-08:00

Today I had a glimmer of hope... that my groove might be coming back... my creative groove.

After being an asshole among friends this morning at breakfast I went home and went back to bed. I thought I would save the world from yet another asshole. After three hours I woke up with these words in my head: What lies beneath the surface. What lies beneath the surface... mmm I pondered this. I don't know what it means but I pondered it...

I headed down to my art studio. A couple of weeks ago I started stretching large woven plastic bags I found in the trash... (Yes I look in trash cans for interesting materials) ...on frames - also recycled and decided to finish the rest today. I have 7. Along with the canvases I have 6 wooden doors - again recycled. So now I have enough surface to paint on that will fill the gallery for my June exhibit... now I have to paint them... mmmm

While sorting the woven plastic bags I started to fold & pleat the fabric. I ended up wrapping it around my dress form and made a dress with a bustle, over-skirt & hat. During the dress assembling I thought "What the hell am I doing? I was stretching canvas now I'm folding & wrapping and digging for more plastic...?!" Ah but then I said " Don't sweat it. Go with it. Let it grow."

So a glimmer I had today. And I feel less creatively constipated. and still I ponder "...what lies beneath the surface..."

Beatness of it All

2010-02-17T14:53:00.000-08:00

Wednesday. Hump Day. I am dealing with lack of motivation, laziness and shades of blueness. Where did my inspiration go? Even as I write this I am having pauses of thought. What to say...

Since I moved into my little house I decided not to get cable. So no television for me. Trying to let go of another addiction.

Instead I have been going to our local libraries: The Avenue, EP Foster & Oxnard. There I have found the audio/visual section. There is a plethora of DVDs, Books on CD & Music to borrow. So among the stacks at the library I have been searching for inspiration. It's worked before.

After watching Amadeus 3 times I checked out Cd's of Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Handel & Vivaldi. A little comparison listening. Very nice. I woke up to Mozart on my clock/radio/cd thingie for a week.

During my commute to and from Santa Barbara I have been listening to books on CD. My current book is "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac, a book I read 20 years ago and was deeply inspired. When I saw it on the shelf at EP Foster I thought it would spark something.

It is narrated my Matt Dillon who has the perfect gravely voice for Saul Paradise. And his voice for Dean Moriarty is spot on. I am impressed with the lyrical descriptions of our country and it's people. And even though it was written in the late forties, these characters are timeless.

The first 3 discs got me all revved up to hit the road. I felt a little spark of hope. I love the road like Kerouac loved it. Minus the booze and drugs. That was what hit me in the following discs: these guys were drug feinds. Dean Moriarty was a whirling dervish in his Benzedrine dreams of jazz.

The other thing that hit me was the women in the book. Their main role was sex toy and caretaker. Barely a sidekick or participant. I wonder what their stories might be. I hope it was more than abandonment and heartbreak. 20 years ago when I read the book I identified more with the 2 male characters. I was driven by the visuals and description of the jazz and the beatness of it all. Now... I guess I still relate with Saul Paradise as a person and his observations but I also see that as a woman I would probably have been one of the girlfriends on the fringe left in a truck stop somewhere on the road.

I also wonder how their road trip would have been had they been sober. Not boring & serious - but not under the influence of booze and drugs. I wonder.

So I am On the Road again, my path, my journey. Looking for inspiration wherever I can find it.

January

2010-02-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

Here it is February first - I just realized I didn't write anything in January. The idea crossed my mind several times but I never got around to it. I like to feel like writing, have an idea or at least feel inspired and definitely be positive with the message.

As it is for me from year to year, January is a challenging month for many reasons. Mostly it is the aftermath of the holiday season that levels all aspects of life. The holidays are physically exhausting, can be emotionally exhausting, it can stretch most folks financially if you are not careful & spiritually for some it can be challenging. To top it off: the days are short and it is dark early... and that just wraps it up & ties it in a bow.

Coming into January there are many unknowns... what will the new year bring? where will the work come from? Money to the arts is slowing down. It's the new year with new budgets. We are moving into a new landscape. We all live with unknowns and if we are not diligent it can drive us to fear and worry.

In December I landed a good project to start in January. I was very motivated and optimistic going in to the New Year. After the first week of January I lost that groovy gig. It wasn't so groovy. It was a blessing on all levels except financially.

So as I lost this big project that was to carry me through to March with a big fat cushion I had to change my perspective on this loss. It wasn't easy. There are no guarantees. Things change. Shit happens. This is nothing new.

February brings a new smaller project and I have no idea how it will all come together but I refuse to worry. It just doesn't help me in any way. Also I realized that whether I worried or not everything worked out. So why waste my energy.

Today I am choosing to look at the unknown as a surprise, like a big surprise present. I have no idea how the Universe is conspiring for me. I have no idea where the next job will come from. It is one big cosmic surprise! So why not get excited about the coming surprise... "Oh I can't wait to open that big pretty present from the Universe!" "Oh what could it be!!"

That attitude brings back the joy to my anticipation. It brings back hope to my being. It brings me back to my path of faith in the abundance of our Universe.

Ratatouille without the rat

2009-12-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

Ratatouille is peasant stew from France but it could be Italian too... except for the name. It is one of my favorite dishes because it is so easy and oh so tasty. My mother use to make it when I was a teenager but I make it differently.

She would layer the ingredients in a glass casserole dish (she came from the generation of casseroles... get your can of Campbell's soup & can opener). She didn't use Campbell's for this one though... she would saute the eggplant, zucchini, tomatoes, onion in olive oil and then layer everything in the dish and bake it. I remember really liking it. It was very different for her.

After looking at a couple of recipes on-line, I started making my own version of ratatouille last winter. I make it in a big stock pot. The onion and garlic get sauteed in olive oil first then the vegetable stock and tomatoes get added. By that point the salted eggplant has sweated and the veggies have been cubed: eggplant, zucchini, green, red & yellow peppers all into the pot! Salt, pepper, oregano, basil & bay. Simmer for an hour or two and then let it sit overnight before serving then the flavors can really meld & blend.

I made some peasant stew yesterday for a party tonight. It has been pretty cold in our little California beach town and I thought a pot of warm tasty stew would be a nice treat. It also seemed like the perfect dish for a housewarming party.

This housewarming party was really quite lovely. So many people came to warm this new home for my friend Vonder. Everyone brought food and the table was overflowing. There was a gigantic Christmas tree standing in the corner of the studio apartment all sparkling with lights and ornaments.

There were groups of people standing, sitting, talking, laughing. At one moment I was really happy to realize I was part of this group of warm happy people during this time of year. I was surrounded by friends and it was heartfelt.

When I went to gather my items to leave I found that the ratatouille was nearly gone. It is always a happy sight when you find that everyone has enjoyed the food you prepared. It is for me anyway.

So that is the state of the world for me tonight. I am still radiating gratitude as we fast approach the New Year.

Collective Sigh of Relief

2009-12-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas is done. The shopping is done. The massive cooking is done. Running to endless activities is done. The weekend is winding down and tomorrow is the last Monday of 2009. I hear a collective sigh of relief.

I am trying to stay in the beauty of the outward breath. Trying not to jump into "what's next?!". I am only doing Sunday night and I think that I will go take a long hot bath. Then curl up with a book and my cat and enjoy my warm comforter on this cold winters night.

Things are alright

2009-12-23T00:46:00.000-08:00

Here I sit in my wicker chair & ottoman pulled up to the wall heater with my cat Noodle close by. My little 18" plastic Christmas tree is sparkling at me from across the room. And as usual when I sit down to write I am trying to figure out what exactly I want to say to the world.

I don't know why but this time of year is hard for a lot of people. Winter time, Christmas time, the New Year... why do we make it so hard? Expectations of what we think everything should be? Oh the good ol' days when we were kids. Oh the bad ol'days when we were kids. I don't have enough of this or that... I should have done this or that...

It's a lot of looking at what we don't have and not enough of looking at what we have right here right now. Where are we at this moment. Who is in our life right now that makes our hearts sing.

My current work situation could throw me into a hurricane of worry & frustration but I have been diligent especially the last week about staying in faith. The really good news is that I have work set up in January & February but right now-right now I am in between jobs. Being self employed means that I am constantly chasing the next job.

The next job always comes and my bills always get paid and I don't go hungry. That's not to say that my bank account doesn't get overdrawn and that I don't drive on empty and sometimes I eat once a day. But I am always taken care of...

I have a lot to be grateful for right now. In October I was given a huge gift: a place of my own. It's a perfect little house and I love it. I have my health. I have a car... with gas. I can read & write. I live in a society where women such as myself can live independently. I can vote. I have freedom of speech. I have food. I have family & friends that love me. I live in a cozy little beach town where there really isn't a lot of traffic. Things in my life are on the up and up.

So as I chase the next job, I am looking at what I do have and not what I don't have. And I guess I want to say to the world that things are alright.

One Month Later

2009-11-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

One month later... I am sitting er working in a clothing shop on Main Street Ventura California on a warm November day. The sun is out and its a beautiful autumn SoCal day. We had 2 customers come through so far... lookie-loos. Touched everything in the shop. Bought nothing.

So as I sit here with time on my hands I ponder this last month and type in the rhythm of the Latin tunes on the ipod. (If my high school typing teacher had played Latin music in class I would have been a primo typist... but I digress)

So I sit and ponder this last month of November. It is not anything I expected. What did I expect... the same ol' thang. But when is it ever the same ol' thing...

As of November 1 I had already spent 6 days in my new home. I found the perfect little Hobbit House on October 20 & moved October 24-25. That happened so fast my head was spinning. Meanwhile I was coordinating costumes on two large cast shows- one to open mid-November and the other mid-December.

Then one day I was checking Face Book to see what everyone was doing and I saw a posting from a cousin... her dad (my first cousin) had just been admitted to the James Cancer Hospital in Columbus Ohio. Last I heard in June her dad was recovering from surgery that had to do with cancer. Major surgery but he made it through.

10 days later I was flying to Columbus to say good-bye to my dear cousin. The crazy thing is that I had not seen him in 12 years. How could he be so dear. But he was that dear. My sister who lives on the east coast was able to make the 7 hour drive to Ohio. She called me after seeing him a week after the FB note and said "If you want to say good-bye you better get here fast."

You know how we always say to our dear friends & family "When life gets really bad I'll be there for you." Well this was that time. This is the time when you have to be a braveheart and face the reality of mortality. It's one thing to bury your grandparents and parents- which I have done. But this is different. Now it's a contemporary relation. It's my cousin that I grew up with and shared a lot of great memories with.

Could I not go see him one last time? What am I suppose to say to someone who is dieing? Could I look him in the eye while he laid in a hospital bed hooked up to numerous machines? Could I hold his hand & make him chuckle one last time? Could I afford it? Did I have time? He's so far away.

This was the time when nothing else matters- you drop everything and go. Because really what is this whole crazy Life about? Honestly it baffles me most of the time but I believe that the bottom line is not money, success, or material objects. It's not how many college degrees you have or what kind of car you drive. I believe it is all about love and our relationship to each other. How do we care for each other? Do we forgive each other? Do we communicate our true feelings to the ones that matter?

My flight left Tuesday morning out of LAX and I connected to another flight in St. Louis to Milwaukee and finally Columbus. I'm not even sure how long it took me to get there but it was a long ass day.

I spent Wednesday & Thursday with my dear cuz. Mostly I sat in the room with him. I didn't have to say much just be there. I was able to look him in the eye and tell him I loved him and I was glad that I came to visit him.

The following week he died, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I was home baking pies with a friend. We were watching movies while we whirled around my small kitchen. My cell phone beeped and it was a text. It was from another cousin, my sick cousin's sister and it said he was gone.

While I was sad to see him go, I was mostly relieved. He was a happy, funny, animated guy and to see him incapacitated was not right.

I cried when I had to tell one of my aunts but other than that I cried mostly before I went to Columbus. I cried after I said good-bye to him in the hospital. And I am misty right now as I write because I miss him.

After going through many deaths of close relations I have learned that the tears come when they come and I let them come when ever they show up. Sometimes its hard because I am working or I am in line at the grocery store and people get uncomfortable. At some point I figured out that it didn't matter that I had to cry when I needed to.

As I move forward I am re-newed with a sense of the NOW. Trying to keep fresh the idea of what is important. When I received the text regarding my cousin's passing I was watching Moulin Rouge. And the big statement that the bohemians were striving for in "Spectacular Spectacular" was that it is more important to love than to be loved. And I want to keep that in mind for this beautiful Sunday.

Seven Year Itch Revisited

2009-10-05T23:40:00.000-07:00

This last weekend I participated in the second annual Wearable Art Fashion Show at the Museum of Ventura County. It took a while to come up with a concept for my design. After flipping through the September Vogue with all of the Fall fashions, I was inspired by Vera Wang's 50 style polka dot dresses. I took it a step further and made a tribute to Marilyn Monroe's Seven Year Itch dress in white plastic grocery bags from Vons. The bodice & skirt are lined with a red plastic table cloth. Instead of stitching the dress together I used packing tape.

The museum coordinator connected me with a young woman from Los Angeles. Her name is Dizzy and I could not have asked for anyone better. She was wonderful on the runway and truely brought my dress to life.

damn every thing but the circus

2009-10-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

Today, being Thursday I am trying to stay in the moment. It is a challenge when I have many projects. I am a multi-tasker. It's one of my giftings. But some days it feels like one of my burdens. There have been moments lately when it feels like I'm juggling bowling balls.

The truth of the matter is that Life is good. It seems like a three ring circus but it's good none the less. I have plenty of work right now. And the projects are good projects. They are creative, I am able to work independently and I am making a living as an artist. I am living my dream.

When did the projects change from juggling nerf balls to juggling bowling balls? I believe it's my perspective... am I focused on the positive or the negative? am I in the moment? am I present... right here right now? Or am I looking ahead at all my deadlines wondering how I going to do it all??!!!

So I have to stop myself (often) and do the next indicated action and pay attention right here right now. Eating something doesn't hurt either.

I try to show up and do the best I can each day. Some days my best is better than others. And that's okay for me.

Bumrolls and Corsets and Petticoats Oh My!

2009-07-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well my summer job has kicked in. For the past 4 or 5 years (I can't remember which) I have had the privilege of working for the Music Academy of the West as the costumer for the vocal dept (opera). Working in a very creative environment is a lot of fun. I also get to meet and work with some fabulous people.

Last year we did an opera set in the 1970's. We're talking tuxedo shirts with ruffles... reminded me of my senior prom. This year we're doing Mignon set in the mid 1700. Now we're talking bum rolls, corsets & petticoats. And actually ruffles for the guys again!

There are so many aspects that need to come together for the performance to happen. Just in the costume dept we have almost 50 cast members to costume. And 36 of them have 2 costumes. Never mind the music and orchestra and lights and sets and crew!!! whew.

The designer and I have run to The Theater Company in Upland, downtown LA to the fabric district and to Chapman College in Orange County to rent costumes. We still have to hit Western Costume in North Hollywood. That place is really cool because the costumes are from the old old movies. I get nostalgic when I go there. I think I might see Scarlet O'Hara's green drape dress! We are trying to find costumes to match the designer's vision and fit the bodies of the singers. I have a shout out to my friends at the Salt Lake City Opera to see what they have in stock. Then at the end after all the singing is finished, I get to remember where everything came from!

With all of this coordinating I truly appreciate a day off. And this weekend because of the holiday I get a break. I was able to get over to the ceramic studio yesterday to play with clay while my clay buddies fired up the raku kiln. Next time I'll have something to put in the firing. Raku is an awesome experience and the results are beautiful.

Today was another good day full of fun, fellowship, and the Santa Maria Kennel dog show! As my day comes to a close my friend Christian gave me a sparkler he found on the beach. And I thought how fabulous is that!

whew

2009-06-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

Boy life can get busy fast.

Tuesday

2009-06-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

Another June, another summer program at the Music Academy of the West. More vocal students, more costumes, more coordinating.

Today's adventure was driving down to Upland to pull costumes. This year I am coordinating with a local SoCal costume designer. We decided to meet at a logical point since we were coming from different home bases. Hers is in Long Beach, mine is in Ventura.

The logical meeting point ended up to be Irwindale, where the 210 & 605 freeways intersect. Irwindale. There are 2 landmarks that I know of in Irwindale: The Miller's Brewery and the gravel pits. Neither one seemed like a good place to leave a car. I found a Costco in Azusa, not Irwindale but just over the city limits. Lots of parking, safe and $1.99 pizza.

What a trek- 90 miles one way. through the San Fernando Valley... through the Other Valley: San Gabriel... and keep on going!

I took an alternative route home because there was an accident in The Valley somewhere. I stayed on the 210 and wound my way up around the foothills and through the Santa Susana Pass into Simi Valley. I love the Santa Susana Pass. It looks like a perfect backdrop to a Hollywood Western.

Tomorrow we meet in Downtown LA. We are shopping for fabric. There are gypsy costumes to be made!

Details

2009-06-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

I'm working on the details of setting up a shop on etsy.com. I'm calling it Noodleville. For those of you who haven't heard of the website: it's a website dedicated to the handmade item. There are all sorts of things from jewelry, photography, clothing, handbags, ceramics for sale. The key is that everything has to be made by the artist/artisan. Nothing manufactured or mass produced.

One of my friends here at Sea Breeze Art Studios turned me on to it. I was looking for a venue for my newly created line of hand built ceramic bowls. I finally found something I enjoy creating that seems to sell. Each bowl or plate is an original. No two are the same, they might be similar but not exactly.

The texturing of the clay is intriguing me. I have burlap, block prints & letters that I am embossing with. Some of the bowls have positive messages on the bottom. I have made a couple of "batches" of bowls and friends and family have snatched them up. A good sign.

Create with Abandon

2009-05-24T00:36:00.000-07:00

Exhibiting your artwork is an interesting experience. Getting use to putting your artwork on display takes awhile to get comfortable with. For me the creative process is so personal that hearing opinions and comments can be uncomfortable to difficult.

When I am painting, I go in to the "Creative Zone". You know when you get so engrossed in what you are doing that time & place disappear? That's what I'm talking about. I believe that there is a connection to the Divine that happens in the zone.

It is similar to meditation. In meditation you sit in silence and listen to the Divine. There is a channeling of energy that happens. Creating is a channeling of energy from the Divine into this world.

Displaying artwork that comes from such a place exposes a vulnerability. It takes some practice getting use to showing publicly. But I believe it is important to get your artwork out there. It is how visual artists communicate. It is how we connect with others. And after all isn't it all about connection and relationship?

In the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz one of the agreements is "Don't take anything personally". Obviously negative or unsolicited comments are best not taken personally. But Ruiz also talks about doing the same with positive comments. That we need to stand on our own opinion of ourselves, be confident of our own value. Know that you did your best with no regrets.

The more artwork I create with abandon, the more confident I get. The more exhibits I do the easier it gets.

Opening the Window

2009-05-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight my exhibit Through the Window, my first solo exhibit opened at Sea Breeze Art Gallery in Ventura. For a holiday weekend, it was well attended. More people turned out than I expected. I was very pleased. People from out of town came by. People who collect my work came by. There were even new people who came by.

I made 2 sales in the gallery and 2 sales in my studio. I think that the opening was a success. I have 3 more receptions and I hope they are equal or better than this one.

It takes a village

2009-05-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Today the plan was to install my art exhibit at Sea Breeze Art Gallery. Being my first solo show it would be appropriate for me to be excited. But on the contrary I awoke apathetic. I was slow to get up and on the road. I did manage to get out of the house and run the necessary errands required to hang the show: Office Depot for tacks & clips; Lowes for brackets & screws. These were needed to install the artwork.

In order to get me where I am suppose to be I make arrangements to meet people at specific times... so I show up. This works 99% of the time. Nobody's perfect. Anyway, I arranged for two friends: Monteve, a mutual resident artist at Sea Breeze & Sonya, owner of Art & Soul Studios to help me with the exhibit.

The concept needed more than two hands. Instead of framing my paintings in conventional frames I used windows demo'd from old houses. This required some rigging in the hanging of the windows so that they didn't fall or tear out the wall with their weight. I was apprehensive about how this was going to happen. But Sonya was able to figure out how to hang the windows with L-brackets.

So Monteve and Sonya showed. Vonder another resident artist wandered in a little later and Monica also a resident artist stopped by even though she was exhausted from work. Sonya's husband Pat came by too... because we needed muscle to drill into the cement wall.

All these people showed up to help me. It makes me a little misty to think about it. I was feeling rather blue when I was alone but once I got in to the process of coordinating the images with the windows with the energy of my friends swirling around, my mood picked up. Sometimes it takes a village.

Everything came together without too many problems. There were a couple of broken screws, a few large holes in the walls and one of the drill bits broke in the cement wall. Everything fixable. I am very pleased with the way the show ended up. There is one window I need to re-arrange but other than that it is all ready for viewing. I did not think I would have everything up in one day. I gave myself 3 days.

And on goes the life of an exhibit...

Solo Mio

2009-05-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

Monday afternoon I start the installation of my next art exhibit. It just really hit me: this is my first solo show. I have been invited, juried and showcased in many different exhibits but this is my first solo. Hmmm.

It's not a large gallery but it's large enough to make your teeth clench when pondering if you have enough paintings to fill the space. I have about 25-30 paintings but the pieces average between 5x7 & 6x12.

A couple of weeks ago I calculated the layout and realized I didn't have enough work. That's when my teeth clenched and my upper lip curled slightly with dismay. So last weekend I painted 5 more pieces to fill the gaps.

This has been a challenging show. My past showcase exhibits I have had a clear vision of what the concept was and exactly how to hang the pieces in the available space. This show has come together but it wasn't immediate.

One challenge to work with: my budget is presently limited so I can't frame the work. So I'm using recycled windows to hang in front of my work. The next challenge was how to hang the windows so they don't fall off the wall. Now I'm obsessing on how I will get the actual images in the right position so they show through the window properly.

One thing I have figured out: that I will figure it out on Monday.

Living the Dream

2009-05-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

Some say that it is good to know people in high places. Well in my case its good to know people who know people. My friend's niece is a dolphin trainer at Sea World. My friend invited me to celebrate her birthday by swimming with the dolphins. So Tuesday I had the incredible treat of bringing one of my life's dreams in to reality.

It almost feels like it didn't happen. Have you ever gone on a trip & come home and wondered if it ever really happened? That is how I feel. But it did happen and it was wonderful.

I am not a great swimmer and being by the water is great but I am not fond of being in water. So why one of my dreams was to swim with dolphins is a little weird.

(Other than dolphins are really cool!!) So when my friend said she wanted me to come with her I was flooded with questions... Do we go under water? Do we wear wetsuits? Is the water cold? Are we snorkling? Face masks? Fins? How deep is the water???

I like to get ALL the details before I "dive in" to something I am unfamiliar with. But on this occasion I had to let go of a lot... including my fear of water. Bogging my friend down with endless questions she couldn't answer was useless, so I let go. I put it out of my mind or put it into another section of my mind so I wouldn't obsess. I went in to this experience with an open mind.

We arrived at Sea World in the morning and were very lucky to be alone with the trainer. The water was very cold: 60 degrees. The wetsuits & booties helped keep us somewhat warm but the cold water does seep in and takes awhile to warm up.

The dolphins were so playful & friendly. We could feel their open hearts. Even though the trainer was giving them commands, nothing felt forced and the dolphins were open to sharing their playfulness with us. We interacted with 3 different dolphins: Sandy, Ridley & Chow. Sandy was the oldest. She was 30 years. There was another dolphin that was 40 years old that we saw in the other holding tank.

Each dolphin was brought over to us separately at first. We were able to pet them & hold their faces in our hands & kiss their noses. Their skin is slick & soft. The trainer said they like to be touched. They each had individual noises they made through their blow holes. We encouraged them with our giggles & strokes.

At the end of our session each one of us got to swim around the pool with one of the dolphins. This was truely a test for me. Deep cold water... with an animal... a large animal... a large powerful animal... but I trusted the animal. The entire time with them there was not a malicious vibe in any of these dolphins. So I held on to the dorcel fin and let Chow take me for a ride around the pool. I screamed & laughed the whole time! Cold water splashing my face! It was amazing! I loved it!

We went on to have a full & fabulous day with private tours of the sea lions & otters. We sat pool side watching the trainers try different tricks with the dolphins. When they got the trick right the dolphins would squeal with delight as they came up out of the water. The trainer in the pool said the dolphins were squealing with excitement underwater. There is so much joy in them!

I could sit and watch them swim for hours. Even when they were just hanging out in their tanks, they swam around and played with each other, jumping out of the water.

Living at the beach allows me to sit on the sand and watch dolphins in the wild. I can see that they are equally playful. I have seen wild dolphins jump and flip out of the ocean.

So much joy! I hope to hold this joy in my heart for a long time.

Who's yer Mama

2009-05-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

I hear that its Mother's Day today. The television ads tell me so. My mother passed away 27 years ago so I haven't had to remember to buy cards or flowers for quite sometime. Nor am I a mother so I am neither a giver or a getter today.

I had a step mother for a while after my mother died when I was in my 20's. But she was more like my father's wife then a mother. She was more like the step mother in Cinderella... I used to call her my step-monster... but I'm not bitter about it. really. She disappeared after my dad died 14 years ago. So I don't have to worry about cards for her either.

I'm not quite sure where this blog is taking me or why I even signed in. I guess I just wanted to comment how Mothers Day is for me. I'm not sad like I was early after my mother's death. My sadness probably lasted a good 8 years. Then the emotions started to let up and I don't cry much.

Although I did cry a couple of weeks a go when I told a friend how my dad sobbed at my mother's memroial. I never even saw him shed a tear before that time. There he sat in my aunt's backyard on a short wall sobbing into his hands. It was funny how the tears were right there when I pictured him. Even now I'm getting a bit misty.

As far as my loss of my mother, I have done the majority of the grieving. I say majority because I don't think the grieving is ever done. It just gets different. And my life has been quite different without her as it would have been with her. But life is what it is. It is my journey.

The Long & The Short of it

2009-05-07T23:35:00.000-07:00

Today I went shopping. Part of my job is shopping. I work as a costumer. I call myself a costumer rather than a costume designer out of respect for all of those designers who have gone to school and received their degrees in theater and paid their dues. I fell into costuming because my skill set crosses into many arenas. I adapt. My degree is in fine art with an emphasis in ceramics. Go figure.

But really, when I was in junior high the girls had to take sewing while the boys took wood shop. In sewing I made an apron & a gym bag out of gingham (that checkered material, usually white & another color.) Moving on to high school I continued to take sewing because I could make my own clothes. Fabric and patterns were cheap then... The rest is history.

Anyway I went shopping today. The local theater called me in to coordinate the costumes for their next show: a one woman play. They gave me a wad of money and sent me out to find a professional pant suit for the second act. Did I mention they wanted the suit in the color teal? or green. Oh and the actor is tall with an inseam of 34".

My inseam is 28". I'm 5' tall. I can't even reach the top shelf of the kitchen cubbards. What do I know about the Tall section. Well, today I found out how hard it is to shop for a tall woman. Even if there isn't a Petite section I can buy a Regular size pant & cut 12" off the leg and they'll fit. It's not so easy the other way around. Off the rack pants only have about 1.5 inches in the hem to let out.

I started my search at "Avenue", a store over in the "Ross Dress for Less" shopping center. Everything there is casual, nothing professional. Next the"Old Target": nada. Not even jackets. Lots for me but no professional wear. Then "JC Penney" in the Pacific Mall. Here I found a lot of things. There was an actual suit section but nothing in the right size. Oh I did find a jacket in the right size but the pants were missing.

Now I should say I knew perfectly well that I would not find a teal or even a green suit so I was going for something in the ball park. I'm creative not crazy. Maybe a turquoise or green jacket paired with black pant. But almost all the suits were black or navy. The suits with a color jacket were mostly pink or red with a skirt. And most of the suits were petites. Did I mention I'm shopping for a redhead...

JC Penney had the largest selection of blazer jackets and pretty short sleeve or sleeveless blouses. Did I mention that the actress doesn't like to wear short sleeve or sleeveless?

So I ended up with a gray blazer, gray pants that don't match the jacket, black pants both 32". 4 blouses in the blue green range. All short sleeve. It was a start.

I moved on to Sears: nothing. Macy's: this is the land of the petite suit set in nothing over size 10. I found a pair of black pants in a Tall at Lane Bryant. And a tan blazer at Ann Taylor. Both stores had very good customer service. (Having worked in customer service for 6 years in a previous life, I like to give credit where credit is due.)

I want to know where Hilary Clinton gets all those colorful suits!

I had a meeting in Santa Barbara in the evening so I went early so I could stop by Nordstroms. Nordie's has everything! They are so sophisticated. Surely I will find what I need there! They had the smallest suit section and the only colors were black & brown. (FYI: They did have the classic button up blouses with 3/4 length sleeve in white & colors. I couldn't find a one in Ventura)

Then I had a moment of inspiration: Talbots! There's a Talbots at La Cumbre Plaza right on my way to my meeting. Surely they would have professional wear. Appropriate garments!!

It's been a while since I have been up to La Cumbre Plaza and they have seriously upgraded the place. There is even a Louis Vitton store?! At "Talbots" I found a lovely selection of clothes: talls & petites. And much to my surprise when I asked the salesclerk (who was very helpful) if they had any blazers in turquoise she said yes! I was able to find a pair of green pants too.

Tomorrow we have our fitting session. I have a slew of garments to try on the actor. We'll see what fits, what matches the director's vision and what I get to return!

Night Hawk Time Zone

2009-05-05T01:19:00.000-07:00

Here it is late in the evening or early in the morning... depending on how you look at things. Whatever the case it's 1:15 am. This seems to be the way it's going for me lately. Because I have no work obligations in the morning my body's natural time clock has switched to Night Hawk Time.

This is something I have had to learn to accept, being a Night Hawk. When most people operate on a 9-5 mentality its hard to fit in. AND God knows we all want to fit in and not be judged even if we have a rebellious nature. When your body's natural operating time is more like 12 noon to 12 midnight it can be hard to function early in the day.

Oh you might say what's the big deal? You are probably an Early Bird... but anyway... Sometimes its hard coordinating with the rest of the world. Especially if you have friends that are Early Birds. They are glazing over & making face plants right about the time I'm hitting a good pace! They also tend to call me around 9am and wonder why I'm groggy... "Oh were you sleeping??!" I have one friend who will sometime call me at 7am (!!!) yikes!

Actually being a Night Hawk can be a big deal if you have to take a job with hours like 8am - 5pm. I have had to do that in the past and I just was not very happy. My body rebelled and I was not really clear & functional until after lunch which limits the time of productivity... some thing the boss keeps track of.

Now I am self employed and my hours are more flexible. I can get up slowly and get out of the house at a humane pace. I can work on projects during hours that I am at my peak. I'm happy because my body is happy. It has taken me a while to understand that my body clock ticks to a different time zone AND be okay with it.

That's all for now. I am actually getting tired. It is after all my bedtime: 2am.

In the Beginning

2009-05-04T01:51:00.000-07:00

This is my first entry. And it's way too late to be setting up a blog. But none the less here I sit with my laptop in bed. Legends of the Fall is playing in the background and its just so damn tragic. Everyone has died and Brad Pitt is about to dance with the grizzly bear.

Today I put together my marketing plan for my upcoming exhibit before going in to my studio to work. I maintain an art studio in a building where other artists also have studio space. It's a wonderful creative environment. The layout is open concept: no doors on the studios so it promotes community among us.

My upcoming exhibit is called " Through the Window". I'm using old wood framed windows to "frame" my work. Instead of using conventional frames, I'm hanging my paintings on the wall with clips. Then the window will be mounted on the wall in front of the paintings so the viewer will be looking through the window.

So I had to wash the windows outside to get all of the dirt off. I was able to get 6 more windows from a fellow artist at the studio. She's an assemblage artist and collects... everything. I also figured out the arrangement of the paintings and the layout of the window. It worked out that I need to paint 3 more paintings to fill the gallery. (The gallery is in the same building as the studios)

I also worked on painting a bedsheet I bought at a thrift store. I'm prepping it so I can use it as a canvas. The paint I picked up for free from Fuller Paint. They have a big bin in the back of their store full of peoples discards. I think the paint would end up in a toxic landfill. I grabbed a gallon can of primer and i assumed it would be white. But when I opened the can it turned out to be a dark red brown color. This will make an interesting background to work on.

It's 2;30 & I think I'm ready to go to sleep now.